Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
