I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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