so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
