good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had to coat check the pizza.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
