i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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