spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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