the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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