Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
