You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize