i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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