if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize