would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
