So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
