He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
