The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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