You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
