mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
