Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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