Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
