he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
