Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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