woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
