How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
