remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
