i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
