do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize