Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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