im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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