I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
