I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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