I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
