i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
