I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
