oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
