If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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