Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
