Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
