so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
