you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
