Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
