I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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