You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
