So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize