What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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