dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
as a side note pls kill me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize