I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
