Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this will be a night to untag.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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