It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
