we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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