I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
