so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
