dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
