I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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