How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize