Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
