You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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