Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no, he came in my armpit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
