I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
