vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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