yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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