Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
