hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize