Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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