New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
