Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize