Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
