What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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