What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
