Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
