***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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