Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
