Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
