How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why are your pants in the freezer?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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