Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
