Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
