Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
